Only A Day
by fairymargarita
Summary: The Metatron wants his package back for a day. Completed.


Disclaimer: I own Alan Rickman, that is all. 

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Only A Day

"Lord, do you think I could have a word with you?" the Metatron approached the high and mighty one who was sitting around in Her own glow on Her throne. Her legs were sprawled out on a foot stool and a table full of cheese and crackers were next to her, just waiting to be eaten. 

She acknowledged him with a nod, allowing him to take his word. 

"Do-" he paused, searching for the right words to say, "Do you think I could have my package back, for only a day?" 

The Lord glared at him and shook her head 'no'. 

"Oh come on," the Metatron whined, flinging his hands about. He had a very beautiful face, but sometimes he looked just way too sad. He could use his little pecker for some fun for a day at least. Not that Heaven wasn't all it was supposed to be, no, he enjoyed being God's right hand man but he wanted something a little more. Something human. 

She shook her head again, and pointed her hand to the chair next to her, ordering him to sit down. 

"Please, I really think I might enjoy it, I mean, it might be fun," the Metatron begged. Somewhere inside he knew he wasn't going to win, but he thought it better anyway. Seriously, he does all this communication to Her people on Earth thing because he can't, his job is stressful. A vacation once in a while would be nice, and a penis would be even nicer! He hadn't had one in so long he almost forgot what it was like to pee. He couldn't even remember what it looked like exactly, but after a little mishap with one of the Lord's favorite prophets, Jay, he got the gist of it. 

"I will put in more time," he proposed, but still got rejected. "I'll stop drinking tequila!" 

God lifted an eyebrow after that last statement but shrugged it off anyway, if one of Her angels was drinking she would know. She was like that, you know. Really in the know. She was good at picking out between good and evil, one reason She picked a bunch of lame ass stoners for prophets. Because you know a stoner has to believe in something. 

"I'll stop watching 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'!" he exclaimed, almost getting to his knees. He stopped himself though, and decided to lean in closer to Her instead. 

God gave him a hopeless look. 

"Fine! I'll keep watching 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy'! Fine by me, that Carson's a riot!" the Metatron slapped his knee and gave a hearty laugh. "And if you don't mind me saying, Kyan… wow!" 

She still shook her head and gave him a disapproving look to his Kyan remark. Sure, She thought he was a little cutie but the Metatron saying that too scared Her a bit. 

"If you don't give it to me I'll quit showering!" he yelled threatening, lifting his arm in the air. 

God plugged Her nose and shook Her head. 

"You're right," he put his arm down, "I smell even when I do take a shower. I think it's some hereditary thing but I'm not sure." He paused to think of something else he could offer. "I'll renounce my British citizenship!"

God lifted Her eyebrow and chuckled.

"Your right. I don't have a British citizenship. I've been dead for thousands and thousands of years."

God closed her eyes and shook Her head in reply. 

"well then…it is a bit awkward threatening the highest being in the universe, but I need this! I'll buy you a bunch of those musicals you love so dearly on DVD!" 

God gave him a look of disgust and stuck Her finger down Her throat. 

"No? But I thought you liked those!" the Metatron squinted his eyes and shook his head in disbelief. Still faking a gag, God soon accidentally spilled the wine on the table into his lap. "Bloody hell, it never ends!" He furiously grabbed Her gown and wiped away the stain on his suit, which he got specially made in Italy in the year 89 B.C. 

God took Her gown from his hands, and carefully smoothed it out, taking the wine out with each stroke. 

"Well, I'll stop it with the reading, I know that Jane Austen annoys you… 'Why couldn't I have been married… Why couldn't I finish my books… you took me too early… blah blah blah,'" he imitated her voice almost exactly, if he had her face you couldn't tell them any different. 

God crossed her arms and smiled. 

"You like her! How can you like her?" he exclaimed in surprise. "The woman's a bloody menace, always complaining about everything." 

God still didn't buy him. Everything he said was complete bull. She knew he would never keep to his promise. He would always watch 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy', he would always end up buying Her movies and he would always read. She knew this as well as he. 

"Well, what can I do?" the Metatron sighed, almost ready to give up. 

"Compromise," She quipped, poking his nose in the process. 

"Compromise? What kind of compromise?" he furrowed his eyebrows for a bit, thinking of what She could be thinking about. "Fine, I'll do it." 

God nodded, and pointed at the place where the compromise would be. He smiled, feeling a little tingle while pulling his pants down to see what he got. 

"That! What am I going to do with that?" he looked up and down at Her and his new surprise. "Well, what am I going to do with it?" 

God shrugged, getting to her feet and skipping away. 

"Bloody lesbian gave me a vagina!" he yelled after Her and scoffed. "Well, I guess now is a good time to pay that stoner Jay and Silent Bob a visit." 

He pulled his pants up and walked away into a mist, not knowing what was going to happen next. But he was up for the challenge. 


End file.
